Struggling To Find Meaning…

I am going through a lot of internal struggles right now in the professional and personal realms. I watch individuals make it to positions of power and achieve success not through hard work and exceptional performance, but through back stabbing and the proverbial ass kissing. It absolutely baffles me how people like this get through life acting the way they do, and on top of that…they get rewarded for it.

I have gone through many ups and downs in my life, but I have always held the belief that if you work hard and stay true to who you are…good things will happen and you will enjoy success. During times like this, it is difficult to hold strong to those beliefs.

I need now, more than ever, to focus on the happy and positive things in my life.

  • A beautiful new wife.
  • Two great Boxers.
  • A new house.
  • A thriving mountain biking blog.
  • A great family.
  • A clean and healthy lifestyle.

But why is it that the small few can grab so much of my attention and energy? When asked the question, “would you trade places with them if you had the chance?” The answer is always no. Individuals who get ahead at the expense of others never really look happy. Of course, they say they are really happy, but that makes me wonder if they know what true happiness really is. Do they know what it feels like to truly love someone so much you feel like your heart is going to explode or are they driven by lust and material possessions? Do they really feel a breeze on a warm spring day? Does it ever really look light outside?

As we go through life and watch the world around us, there will always be people that have more or less, are happier or more miserable, etc. That is just the way the world works. The trick is not focuses on the rest of the world and focusing on how you want to live our lives. It will always be true that the more you focus on bad behaviors the more likely you are to repeat those behaviors.

As I go through this internal debate, it is essential for me to still believe that being a good person and working hard pays off. I need that belief in my life to keep the ball rolling. I need to pay attention to the small successes as they add up over time into large gains. I need to not care about what others are getting that I am not. If I really want something bad enough…I need to get out there and grab it.

My head feels much like a desk full of junk I don’t need. It is time to clean the slate and focus on what is important in my life. So I guess the real question for my internal debate is…”why do I care?”