To get away from the stress of everything that was going on at home, we decided to capitalize on my wife having to work in NYC for half a week by just staying up there the entire week. I can work from anywhere so getting up and getting work done is easy. We also did this last year and she has family in New Jersey and Manhattan so we stay downtown and get to see some of her side of the family at the same time.
At this point in our baby making process, we are waiting on her body to go through a normal cycle so we can get the rest of this process started. So…we are waiting…and waiting…and waiting…
Why aren’t you starting?
One morning in the Hilton on 6th Avenue…we decided to take another test…
You have to be kidding me!
After everything we had gone through in the past 60 days, the reaction this time around was much different than the last. While we both wanted to get extremely excited and scream to the world that we had done it again, the overwhelming feeling of doubt kind of overtook our bodies.
Is this real?
While trying not to let the events of the past dictate our current actions…it was almost impossible. I think the first thing that ran through both of our heads before we even said anything to each other was, “This better go the distance because I don’t know if we could handle another miscarriage again.”
I sat down with my wife and we had a conversation about what just happened. I explained to her that I do not want to live in fear of the future just because of what happened to us last time, so we need to act as if (or at least try to) it didn’t happen and allow ourselves to get excited no matter what the outcome. We will finish out the rest of our trip and tackle this when we got home, but until then…we are happy.
After the heart to heart and initial shock, I took a smiling look at her and said…
Are we dumb for trying to pay to get pregnant?
After laughing for a little while, I really started to think about it. The percentage chance of us getting pregnant naturally was so small that it was almost impossible. We even tried for a really long time before going to a reproductive specialist…so this wasn’t us getting impatient or trying to play God. We really saw this (with multiple doctors recommendations in and outside of the reproductive world) as our only option if we wanted to start a family. And then…both times we are waiting to start the process, a positive pregnancy test shows up.
Granted, the last one did not come out as planned so that just wasn’t the baby for us, but at some point in the process the “are we crazy” question does naturally come to mind. I guess you never really know what is supposed to happen until it does and we may never know the reasoning behind it. Like with most things, we are along for the ride and we have to make the best with the cards we are dealt.
Right now…we were dealt another gift and I hope for both of our sanities this is the one that makes it.