Example

Wow…Monday got here quickly. The weekend just seem to fly by and now we were in crunch time to get everything ready to leave that evening to start the inducing process.

  • The bags were packed.
  • The dogs were taken care of.
  • We knew what time we had to be there.

I was trying my best to get some things sewed up with work as I was taking a week off starting the next day. Jenn and I also decided to go ahead and take a look at the Kids R Kids down the street from our house as that is going to be the daycare he ends up going to in January. It was a busy day…but that was a good thing as sitting around staring at each other waiting to leave would have dragged on for what seemed forever.

After everything was done and we had some dinner, we waited for clearance to head to the hospital. Around 8:30pm, we got the go ahead to get our room at 9:00pm. We packed up the remaining items in the car, put the dogs up and headed out. As we were leaving the entrance to our neighborhood with the empty car seat in the back, I looked at my wife and said, “You realize that will not be empty the next time you get in this car.” A tear came to her eye with a smile…and we were off to complete our family.

The Inducing Process

In all reality, the inducing process really kind of sucks. I wish there was a happier way to say it, but you end up hanging out in the hospital a lot and my wife was put through a laundry list of things just to force her body to do something it wasn’t really ready for yet.

We got our room at Northside in Dunwoody (the baby factory, they deliver more babies in a year than any other hospital in the country) and tried to settle in. First up on the list was a medicine for Jenn that gets her body ready to have a baby and have contractions. This medicine was going to settle in over night so she could then get the Pitocin which would actually start the contractions. Side effect of the overnight med…contractions and cramps. This started the fun 18 hour process for my wife. Not only was she really nervous about the upcoming day (understandably so), but now we are using meds to start the process.

Jenn got as much sleep as she could over the course of the night while hooked up to all of the monitors and with the cramps going. At 6:00am, the nurses came in prepping everything to start the Pitocin at 7am. By 7:30am, contractions were in full swing already. Here we go…no turning back now!

Apparently…unknown to us before this time…the contractions from inducing are actually more painful than those that you get naturally. There is some technical reason behind this that they tried to explain to us that involves how the chemicals hit your brain and what chemicals are actually formed during the process. The short story, it was going to hurt but that didn’t really matter too much as we had already decided that Jenn was going to get an epidural. The pain should have been minimal thanks to the aid of the drugs…or so we thought.

What started then was the longest day of both of our lives. My lucky wife does not react well with epidurals and by that I mean they don’t work. Throughout the entire day, she was in nothing but pain as numerous doctors and anesthesiologists came in to try to figure out what the hell was going on. The only relief she could get was about an hour at a time with a kicker they would put into her IV stream that was another pain med. Other than that…the epidural wasn’t doing anything. Half way through the day, they even tried to redo it (that wasn’t pleasant) and that didn’t even help. She was going to have to try to work with the periods of relief until Daniel finally came.

Get Ready To Push…

About 11:30pm that evening, our midwife came in and told us Jenn was ready to push! Finally! After this long process we are ready to have Daniel! I say we…but I am really just there for Jenn to break my hand at this point.

We started the pushing process. Jenn was doing great and getting the hang of it quickly, but then things started to go wrong. The midwife asked the nurse to take Jenn’s temperature and it had peaked up to over 102 degrees. To make matters worse, Daniel’s heart rate was now floating around the 185 bpm range. The mid wife called the doctor immediately. It was time for an emergency c-section before things got much worse…and quickly. The midwife looked at Jenn and said, “This breaks my heart that we have come this far, but we have to get him out now.”

We have to get him out now…

The entire process of getting ready for the c-section and getting her in the surgery room was incredibly fast. Once they made the decision to go forward with it for the health her and Daniel, she was under the knife in under 15 minutes (12:15am). They allowed me to come and sit by her head as they started the process. At 12:32am, Daniel Merrill Sutton made his first entrance into the world. I looked over the curtain and saw my son for the first time. About 30 seconds later, he cried and my wife got to hear him.

Everyone always seems to talk about this emotion moment where everyone shares a good cry once the time comes that your baby is born. We didn’t have that but that is ok. Once they had Daniel out, all eyes were back on Jenn as they tried to get her closed up…but that wasn’t going to be easy. One of the symptoms of Preeclamsia is that your platelet numbers come down. This means your blood doesn’t clot. The doctors and our midwife were now struggling to get my wife to stop bleeding so they could finish the process. I also now had to leave her and go with Daniel as they finished the process of cleaning him to get him ready to go to the room. I brought Daniel to Jenn so she could hold him for a second before we took off.

The next hour and a half was a long one. I was trying to enjoy the process of cleaning Daniel up and getting his vitals, but all I could really think about was Jenn still laying on the table. Luckily, D was a really healthy 7 pounds 1 oz at 20.5 inches long (great job buddy for being 3 weeks early!), so now all attention was on getting the glue that holds my family together sewed back up. Finally, after what seemed like forever, they rolled Jenn down to post op and I had everyone happy, healthy and tired in the same room.

First Picture of Daniel

The most stressful day of my life was now over. Our son was born, my wife was taken care of. All of the crap of the past no longer mattered. The constant trips to the infertility doctor, the miscarriage from earlier this year, the entire birth process…none of that mattered as I enjoyed taking pictures of my new son with my smiling wife laying in the bed next to him. At that moment, everything was calm and we had our miracle baby.

Everyone Has A Different Road To Take

When we finally got up to our room (around 4am), I got a free 5 minutes to sit down and think as the nurses had Daniel and my wife passed out.

Everyone’s road to this moment is different. Some people seem to get pregnant just by looking at each other and others go through a really hard time to this point. During the labor process, some are able to just pop them out while others have more difficulty.

The reality…

None of that matters. It is no longer about the hardships you went through to get to this point. You are now a parent holding what you have worked so hard for. In one split moment, you are now ready to lay everything on the line for someone that you have only known for a brief moment. As a person who has never really believed in “love at first sight”…I can tell you that is exactly what happens.

Your thoughts shift from the past to the future as I started to think about roads we will take from this point forward…not the roads that got us here. Everything changes and the future is looked at completely differently than in the past.

The only reason I really share the events leading up to this, the birth and the pregnancy process that we went through is to share our story. There are those that will have it easier and those that will have it harder. That is just the way life goes. This is the road that lead us to this day and it is the road we had to take. When I held my son for the first time, none of that was on my mind. All I could think about was the adventures we would be taking as both of ours lives continued to move forward.

Daniel was here…my wife was starting her recovery…and we were a family. It was the best day of my life to this point even given the stresses. My first real picture taken of Daniel after the birth is above that I posted to Facebook with my iPhone. The second…oh the irony! The life as “The Clueless Dad” begins…

Daniel Merrill – 7 lbs 1 oz – 20.5 inches – born at 37 weeks on 10/5/11 @ 12:32am

Daniel Easy Button

 

Example

As we started getting closer to that pivotal point in the pregnancy when Daniel could come at any day, you start to take a look around the house and say…”what else do we need?”

At this point, Jenn had her baby shower and relatives had sent gifts and cards congratulating us on the little man that was about to enter our house so our house already looked like Babies ‘R Us had setup shop in every room. However, there were some items we need to get checked off the registry, so we figured the weekend before we hit 36 weeks (that next Tuesday) would be a great time to get that done. We headed to the store with gift cards in hand ready to tackle the list. All we were really missing were some little must have items (bottles, pumping accessories, etc.), so the process was pretty painless. After two stores, we were done and I got Jenn home to rest.

That following Monday, we had another followup with the OB to see how things were going with the pregnancy and to start getting ready for when Daniel was wanting to make his appearance.

The Monday OB Visit (9/26/11)

Ironically, I had a panic situation with work and I was not able to make it to this appointment…it was also the only appointment I didn’t make through the process as I have the ability to work from home (that was a blessing through all of this for sure!). So…I had to run to North Carolina.

Half way up there, I get a call from Jenn.

Her blood pressure was through the roof and they were going to start blood and urine tests to see what was going on. For now, they pulled her from work and told her to go straight home and lay down. After a 24 hour urine test..we should know what is going on. Needless to say, this was a surprise. Up until this point, everything had been going smoothly (or as smoothly as a pregnancy can) and now I have a worried wife, but a healthy baby.

After the 24 hour urine test, we headed back to the doctor’s office on Thursday.

Thursday’s Surprise

Guess what? You have Preeclampsia. My first thought…what the hell is Preeclampsia?! Apparently, is a medical condition in which hypertension arises in  (pregnancy-induced hypertension) in association with significant amounts of protein in the urine (thanks wikipedia). While it isn’t harmful to my wife or the baby at that point in time, it does start to get dangerous as time goes on…and quickly.

So guess what guys? We are going to do an ultrasound tomorrow to see how the baby is doing. If he is ready to go…you are probably going to have a baby next week. Surprise! (the only cure for Preeclampsia is birth)

Friday’s Bigger Surprise

We headed into the doctor’s office Friday ready to see how our little guy was doing. In the ultrasound, everything looked great. Lungs were there…heart was beating away…he even estimated out to 6 lbs 11 oz which is really good for being over 3 weeks early. The doctors decided he was ready to go.

Daniel 36 Week Ultrasound

Our bigger surprise? When she came back into the room, she had already scheduled for us to go in Monday night to start the process of inducing my wife. Congratulations…you are having a baby next Tuesday.

The whole experience kind of set us back for a second. That soon? Yep…according to the doctors, he will be at exactly 37 weeks at that point, so they do not want to wait any later. After you sign these papers, you will be ready to go. Enjoy your weekend!

As we were leaving the doctors office a little bit stunned, the first thing that came to mind was…”babe, I guess it is a good thing we got all of that shopping done already!” We had a short laugh and then reality started setting in. We are going to be parents early next week come hell or high water.

During the entire pregnancy process, you are always looking towards that period of time where the unknown could strike at any moment. You need to have your bags packed, affairs in order and then wait. The baby doesn’t come on your schedule, but whenever he feels like it. You are on pins and needles wondering, “will this be the day?”. Not for us…we just made the appointment! It wasn’t exactly how we envisioned this whole process going down, but I guess that doesn’t really matter because we hare doing the right, healthy thing for her and Daniel. The end result will be the same. Holding our son for the first time.

So here it comes…the big day.

Example

Last night was a big moment for me. For the first time ever, I felt my son move.

Let’s back up this story a little bit…

We are at 32 weeks in this glorious process they call pregnancy (I don’t know if my wife is calling it glorious at this point in the August heat and humidity of GA!). Daniel has been moving like crazy up until this point. Jenn has been blessed/cursed with an extremely active little boy in there.

The ironic thing about this whole situation is that I have been watching him move for weeks…but have never actually felt him do it until last night. The little joker has been playing hide and go seek for weeks every time I put my hand on my wife’s stomach. I literally was picturing him tucking down and hiding every time I went to feel (funny how we give adult reasoning to unborn babies…I guess that is just how our minds work).

It actually got so bad at one point in time that Jenn was on a contraction machine and he was kicking it up and down. His heartrate was bouncing around 155 bpm and he has having a great time as you could plainly see. As soon as I would put my hand on her stomach, his heart rate would drop to the low 130’s and he would stop moving. As soon as I took it back off…it was practicing for a career in place kicking again. I found it hilarious but I think it was starting to bother my wife as she was feeling him and I wasn’t. She really wanted to share that experience and he wasn’t having it.

Last night, she looked at me and said, “Look…he shifted.” She was right…her stomach was completely lopsided. I put my hand on her stomach and 30 seconds later…he adjusted for bedtime. Finally, I had felt my son move for the first time.

It is a surreal moment. I wasn’t really sure how I would react, but my overall feeling was calm. On the outside, it is weird. There is a human inside my wife rolling around and it makes you think back to the scene in aliens that no one can forget. But…after the movie scenes pass through your mind and you remember that you are in fact not in a sci-fi thriller…you come to a gripping realization…

He is coming.

I am sure that everyone has a different reaction when this moment arises. I thought I had come to the reality that I had a son making into this world soon, but until you actually hive five him (or pat him on the butt…I wasn’t really sure)…that connection hasn’t truly started…at least for me. I was excited before…but now I am really stoked. My interactions with my son have begun and this is only the first chapter in a long journey.

The next weeks are going to blow by quickly, but I will always remember that first moment that my son and I connected. It is a cool experience.

 

Example

Nesting is not a new concept by any means. There is something that turns on inside of a woman once the pregnancy really sets in. It takes her over like a whirlwind and all of the sudden…everything in the house has to change! There is a baby on the way…we have to be ready!

I believe it is nature’s way of making sure there is a bed for the newborn. Without it…we would probably just lay him on the counter.

Nesting From The To Be Dad’s Perspective

While nesting within women is well documented, what is talked about far less is what happens in the mind of the dad as he gets ready to be responsible for another human being. As men, we are wired to provide. The hunt and gather instinct is still alive and kicking even if we are not grabbing the nearest sharp stick ready to stab a big buffalo.

At least for me…the instinct to provide and the need to make sure the heavy lifting is done before the baby was born kicked in as soon as my wife “popped” (sorry babe…I know you hate that term!). Once she was really showing, the pregnancy suddenly became real and my list of things to do increased dramatically.

Financial Nesting

In a first natural reaction, I started thinking about how the hell we are going to afford to care for another human for the next 18 years?! This isn’t one of our two dogs that just needs 2 cups of food twice a day. This baby is going to need diapers, clothes, schooling, college, a car, his own room…and the list goes on and on. We are used to providing for ourselves, but now we are taking on a very expensive addition!

Luckily, other than the diapers and immediate needs, we will take on each event as it comes and try to plan for the future (ie: an early start on the college fund that will probably cost 500 grand by the time he is 18 with the way tuition is heading). But…the thoughts that are running through my head as my wife gets ready for being a mom is what my plan is for income production over the next 18 to 22 years. Are my career goals in place? Do I have a plan if something happens?

As the man, a lot of that responsibility weighs on my shoulders as the mom needs to be able to focus on being a mom for the first years of our son’s life. Is she going to work through the process? Absolutely…she would go crazy if she didn’t, but the reality is that I need to have my plan in place regardless of that.

Structural Nesting

After the shock subsides, I started looking around the house thinking about what needed to happen before the baby was born. We had a room…but it was not ready. So I used the colors my wife picked out and painted/fixed the room so it was ready for furniture. My wife ordered the baby’s furniture and it got delivered. That day…I assembled it (with the help of the dogs of course) and made it ready for decoration.

Baby's Room with Furniture

The way I see it…I am putting the structure in place…my wife will make it home. Heavy lifting…check. Decorations…I wouldn’t know where to start…

Ironically, I also started thinking about what needed to be done to the house that required a lot of construction. The last thing I was going to want is a lot of loud noises during the first 6 months of my son’s life, so if we were going to do anything, it needed to be now.

For awhile now, we had planned and saved to redo the kitchen my wife has hated since we moved in and the backyard. Last month, we found a great father/son company to redo the backyard and next month we are biting the bullet on the kitchen. Whoever thought white on white was a good idea for kitchens should be shot.

Some of these things are coming a little bit earlier than we had planned, but they were going to be next to impossible with a baby in the house…so now was the time to do it.

Life Restructuring Nesting

Like it or not…life is about to change drastically. It will be a great thing and we are extremely excited about it, but there needs to be plans in place in an effort to maintain sanity through the process for both myself and my wife. We are both planners (slightly obsessive about it), so we started talking about our needs and how those needed to be incorporated into life with the baby.

I firmly believe that a baby should not be your life. It is just my opinion and others might disagree, but there is life outside of the house…and without it we will go insane. The beginning weeks of a child’s life are extremely intensive from what we have we and experienced with friends and family. Without experiencing it first hand, I am not going to even pretend to know what it is like, but there is one thing I do know…I do not want that intensity and 24/7 need to parent to take away from who my wife is as a person. I married a wonderful woman and I do not want that to change.

Lately, my wife and I have been talking about what we are going to do when the baby is born. While I completely realize that plans change and adapt once you are in a given situation, we are planning on having small blocks of alone time or time with friends for each other during the beginning stages of parenthood. Even if it is just 30 minutes for lunch with a friend or an hour for me to ride out of the driveway on the bike, we need to be able to decompress to insure our own mental health.

This will be a change from being able to do what we want when we want…but I feel it is necessary throughout the process. I do not want us to feel like we are prisoners in our own house. That will not be good for either of us. So we have a plan! Now we’ll see how that plan plays out come October.

See…We Do Nest In Some Form

If you would have told me I would be having these thoughts today a year ago…I probably would have laughed. If you told me dad’s nested…I probably would have laughed even harder.

But the reality is that we have as much of a role as the mother in this…and it is a partnership. So we have to do our part in making sure the house and our minds are ready for this new addition that is on its way and ready to change everything that we consider reality at this point in time.

It is exciting and stressful at the same time, but we are looking forward to it.